Tuesday, January 18, 2011
O.K. So, recently I hired me a trainer. It was in November 2010 to be exact. I decided that I needed to do something for myself. I had been doing so much for other people while continually doing nothing for myself. I felt like I could probably lose some weight, feel better and motivate myself. For pleasantly plump women, such as myself, we often give give give and expect nothing else in return. Well, I had been doing just that and in the process neglected myself. I had been helping everybody progress their lives while mine became stagnant. Well, I shouldn't say everybody--just a number of other individuals. I probably should say family mostly but, I don't really have to put that out there. Besides, is that really a point I'm trying to make? I mean, we all know that family will be the first to take advantage of you. But, for this particular blog post, the point is that I have done more for others than myself. It's really not significant who those others are. Right? Well, I digress. Anywho......I have constantly made food my focus when it comes to me. I eat eat eat. I do not necessarily be hungry, just bored or hurt or angry or any other emotion that I'm feeling at the time. I can't seem to shake it. Anyway....back to the other main point...the trainer. I hired this really cute guy to help me exercise and focus. The only thing is that I really don't have time to train. I go, he works the shit out of me, then I come home and sit---sore.Here it is January and I have not lost a pound. Not one, singular, solitary pound. I am so ashamed. What am I doing right? What a waste of money! And time! I have been so embarrassed that since January 1st---I do not want to go in. I constantly try to find ways to get out of my rut yet, unsuccessful every time.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Saturday, 07/24/09 marked my families 30th or 31st or maybe 33rd, well you get the idea. We have been having the damn thing for many years now. Anyhow, we arrive in the country after driving for about 4 hrs and last meal being about 6 hrs before, so we were plenty hungry, ready to eat. So, I, the fat, pretty niece,cousin get out to say hello to all the family whom I haven't seen for awhile. One of the first comments I receive is "I didn't know who that was at first, getting out that car with all that behind!" What?? Is that all I have to hear time after time. Who gives a fuck? And I wanted to say,"I can get skinny but you can't get pretty." But, with everything in me, I held it in. Why do family feel like they can say any damn thing to you? My uncle told me about 2 1/2 years ago. "the same thing that got him is what you gotta keep him with." Like you need to lose weight so you can keep your husband. Please. Fuck you. And whats your excuses for marrying a woman that looks exactly like a horse? I wonder how would they feel if I pointed out all their many discrepancies. Anyway, like the graceful, classy woman that I am-I moved on. I took all the jokes and sarcasm like the big girl that I am. Yet, unconsciously, I sat in the back row of the tables and I didn't eat much. But, I took some hefty ass plates back to the hotel with me!!!!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
I started this blog to express myself regarding the 1 thing that seems to occupy my time the most......my fat ass. I didn't want to really keep discussing it with people over the phone or when i run into them at the grocery store. You know..."hey girl! How are you?" And I will respond, "girl, fine.Just keep gaining weight." I guess I felt like it was the elephant in the room (no pun intended). So, I wanted to express myself here. I used to keep a diary, but with kids quiet time is sleep time. When a friend told me how she keep up with others on the internet I started a myspace. BIG MISTAKE! Myspace is a place for hookups. So with the intent on just looking at a friends pics on her family blog..I started one and thought it was great. The only thing is that I can't find the damn time to blog and express myself like I want to. I know no one will read this because I was never one of the popular girls but, when I sit down I can't type what I want to express. Besides the fact that I'm no damn typist, I just can't get my thoughts together. With my busy life as a mother and wife I can't get a lick of time to myself. I always have shit to do. Oh, and I am also been trying to quit cursing since 01/2009, or maybe longer. What the hell man!!!! All damn day I thought about being fat and if I lose the weight my skin will hang and I will look like one of those sorta skinny girls who definitely used to be fat. What's the use, right. May as well stay a fat bitch!